Its here again, another birthday. I never thought I would be this old this soon! But oh well!!
It feels quite empty from inside when you think that you are now 23 and you are yet to do something worthwhile in your life. When you feel that there is something yet to come that it will ignite hidden passion in you, give a purpose to your life. So far you have only focussed on searching for it, and in the meanwhile being prepared when it hits you. You have toiled (supposedly) sometimes to be the best prepared amongst them. All for what? You still don't really know.
My mother always used to tell me, when I acted lazy, that Akbar took the command of his empire at the age of 13, what have you done? Now being 10 years older than Akbar's age of coronation, I still don't know where to take the command. I am still unsure on whether I would be able to handle the kingdom well. I still believe it is out there, waiting for its emperor to come and rule.
My experiences so far have told me that there will be no such kingdom where people will invite you to rule them. Akbar may have been lucky to have been born at a time of struggle for the mughal empire and he had a clear objective as to what his life would be about. Mine on the other hand has so far been only spent in deciding which rat to follow in the race. The only sense of achievement I get is when I see some other rats fall behind and struggle a bit more.
I want something to define me, I want a motive towards living, I want to know what should be my role in the bigger scheme of things. I want to do something which makes a difference to the world, and enjoy it while doing it. Maybe I am asking for too much, maybe I am able to afford to have the luxury to pay heed to such thoughts because I am not busy enough, or I am not thankful enough, or too confused, or making an issue about nothing. I do not know which one of these is the reason for these thoughts, but I am surely not very happy with them.
It feels quite empty from inside when you think that you are now 23 and you are yet to do something worthwhile in your life. When you feel that there is something yet to come that it will ignite hidden passion in you, give a purpose to your life. So far you have only focussed on searching for it, and in the meanwhile being prepared when it hits you. You have toiled (supposedly) sometimes to be the best prepared amongst them. All for what? You still don't really know.
My mother always used to tell me, when I acted lazy, that Akbar took the command of his empire at the age of 13, what have you done? Now being 10 years older than Akbar's age of coronation, I still don't know where to take the command. I am still unsure on whether I would be able to handle the kingdom well. I still believe it is out there, waiting for its emperor to come and rule.
My experiences so far have told me that there will be no such kingdom where people will invite you to rule them. Akbar may have been lucky to have been born at a time of struggle for the mughal empire and he had a clear objective as to what his life would be about. Mine on the other hand has so far been only spent in deciding which rat to follow in the race. The only sense of achievement I get is when I see some other rats fall behind and struggle a bit more.
I want something to define me, I want a motive towards living, I want to know what should be my role in the bigger scheme of things. I want to do something which makes a difference to the world, and enjoy it while doing it. Maybe I am asking for too much, maybe I am able to afford to have the luxury to pay heed to such thoughts because I am not busy enough, or I am not thankful enough, or too confused, or making an issue about nothing. I do not know which one of these is the reason for these thoughts, but I am surely not very happy with them.
Comments
Interesting read.
Here's hoping that u soon find ur dream job.. and now taht ur search has already begun, u ll eventually find ur purpose in life real soon!!!